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By The Time

by John H Maloney

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This one was inspired by wondering why I was still having regular meltdowns, even after a few years of what I knew were very productive therapy sessions. Turns out, healing isn't a linear process and meltdowns are just part of being neurodivergent.

lyrics

By the time that I start to feel like something's not right
I can tell that reasons already slipped out of sight
And all that's left behind is a silent scream that I can't pacify
And the sense that I shouldn't even bother to try

And I know I shouldn’t let
The things that I can’t forget
Keep getting me so upset
But I’m just not there yet

Now and then I start to believe that Ive found a way out
From underneath the insecurity and self-doubt
And I've left behind all those wasteful things I don't need anymore
But eventually they all comes screaming right back through my door.

And they won't let me forget
That they haven't let me up yet
And just how lost I can get
When I start to regret

The things that I thought I did to earn the blame
And the monster I feel like I became
It's about time I learn not to take that pain
And see that it's all just inhumane

I know I can't just let it go and be free overnight
And that I'm in the middle of a long hard fight
I didn't fall behind that's simply how it feels sometimes
I'm gaining ground, but there's still a lot of hill to climb

And in those times I forget
Wonder why I'm not there yet
I’ll remind myself not to get
Bogged down in that old mindset

credits

released April 7, 2024
Written, performed, and recorded by John H Maloney
Equipment:
Ukulele - Magic Fluke Flea concert scale
Mic - Blue Yeti
Software - Audacity

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John H Maloney New Jersey

John H Maloney singer. songwriter, ukulele player and poet based in New Jersey, USA

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