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just a few simple words

by John H Maloney

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1.
3720 to 1 00:12
Stumbling against the will of probability in the infinite, indefinite, unyielding wait and see. Wagering the future on a lapse of sanity. Despite advice, still thinking twice, I brace for what will be.
2.
I'm out of desperate measures and it's only just begun. Off to a running start, but now there's nowhere left to run. I need to catch my breath, but that's a risk I just can't take. There's so much ground to cover and still far too much at stake.
3.
Wreckage 00:12
Crawling from the wreckage of what could have been, all too aware of my resolve wearing thin. I allow self-doubt a moment to consume me and then, I set it all aside and try to try again
4.
A few more slight adjustments, then it all will be just right or, at least, in theory. Though, in practice it just might take entirely too long. Yes, that will likely be the case, but it could be worth the effort or just far too much to face.
5.
Stray tangents weaving in and out of conscious comprehension. Far too many data points demanding my attention. Overloaded, overwhelmed and over everything. Whatever sense I may have left hangs by a fraying string.
6.
Shards 00:15
Shards of the past, embedded like shrapnel in my mind. Nerves stand on edge waiting for the slightest touch to trigger their torrent. Overwhelming my fragile facade and pulling me back into another time, when I thought that maybe it could be.
7.
Diner 00:15
Caffeinated conversation, hyperbolic tales of woe. With plaintive resignation. "There's just nowhere else to go". Dollar after hour spent on grease and grand designs, to pass the night away and read too much between the lines.
8.
Say When? 00:20
Just a little bit more is all that I need to satisfy these demons so desperate to feed on the few remaining pieces of my peace of mind and then maybe I might be able to find a more permanent solution to the problems I face and all of those scars that time can't quite erase, but until that happens I'll just have to endure and try to make do with just a little bit more.
9.
The Fall 00:16
And so begins the slow descent, the light fading away as the cold embrace of the end draws near, draining each and every day and all around, shades of decay lie scattered on the ground, while skeletons stretch skyward. Giving up without a sound.
10.
Loop 00:14
Why do we keep doing this when it always ends the same, with little more than spite, regret and a shifting sense of blame? We must find something better than this misplaced courtesy, but we'll likely just continue for the sake of what could be.
11.
Most Likely 00:18
Thrown over the cliff by a billion what ifs, because I simply couldn't be sure. A shadow of doubt was still lurking about and had rendered me too insecure. Grasping for certainty, scared of what could be. I'm rapidly turning obsessed. I just need to know how it's going to go. Maybe then I'll be able to rest.
12.
Scratching at the bottom of the barrel just to find any scraps that I can forage to maintain my peace of mind. Eliminating anything that’s not a basic need As my assets liquefy with such depressing speed. Just to make it through today is all that I can ask, but I doubt my bank account is equal to the task. Struggling to hold the line until my ship comes in as the waterline keeps rising and the air is getting thin.
13.
Doublethink 00:15
But then again, it's hard to tell. It might, but maybe not. Oh well. I think it could be ... tough to say. Just too many shades of gray and far too much uncertainty in any possibility that I just don't know what to do. I think I'll have to think it through.
14.
Imagination 00:18
My imagination runs away and I go chasing after. Believing every word, accepting every assumption, and embracing every fear without a single question. Until all that’s left is pure, paranoid fantasy. That I’ve decided makes so much more sense than simple, uncertain reality.
15.
Off Hours 00:12
It isn't quite ideal, this living in reverse. In fact it's quite surreal and just a bit perverse. Rotating counter-clockwise, never quite catching the sun. By the time the day is over, it's only just begun.
16.
Luck 00:08
Resigned to the inevitable, I accept what will likely be. While still hoping that my chances might defy probability.
17.
Soft lips and gentle fingertips. Slowly, inhibition slips away. With nothing left to say. Nothing standing in the way. We touch. At first, it seems too much. Never before have I felt such a thrill. As if time is standing still, not letting another moment pass until the desire we share is, at last, unrestrained, a primal exhibition of passion unchained. Bodies entwined, a frenzied display. Everything else just melts away.
18.
Closing In 00:10
I hate to admit it, but I'm starting to see that my comfort zone is growing smaller than me. A slow suffocation, removing all doubt that I must find a reason to find a way out.
19.
It's all I can do to remain intact through this all-too-precarious balancing act and there's simply no point in denying the fact that while I cling to hope, I still brace for impact.
20.
Wait For It 00:18
Almost there, but not quite yet. A given I'm not sure I'll get. Sense and reason say take it slow, but impatience has begun to grow. Hour by hour the minutes creep, while I wonder if I'm in too deep. Within my grasp, but still out of reach. Another day stalled in the breach.
21.
Recharge 00:14
Still unsettled, uncertain. Just trying to pull through and not think too much about all there is left to do. Now, while there is hope to cling to, I know it's not over yet. I just need to take a moment to recharge and reset.
22.
Poem 00:18
Just a few simple words, carefully arranged. Set in stone for now, but inevitably changed. Some pointless explanation of a personal insight, a vain attempt to justify what I already know is right. Embellishing the commonplace until it seems sublime, or is it nothing more that just a dreadful waste of time?

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A collection of my poetry, read by me.

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released December 12, 2021

John H Maloney - Vocals

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John H Maloney New Jersey

John H Maloney singer. songwriter, ukulele player and poet based in New Jersey, USA

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